Angels Calling
by Ren201
Summary: Sometimes life has a way of not letting you move on. Sometimes, you’re not meant to forget the past.


**Title**: Angels Calling

**Author**: Ren201

**Spoilers**: None. Set during Sydney's missing two years. Pre-season 3.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything to do with Alias. I only own the people you don't recognise (which I would have made up btw), if there are any.

**Author's note**: The song is by Rooster and I thought it was quite fitting for this story. This is my first story in a while, so be nice! I'm out of practice!

**A/N: Centred words in italics are lyrics**

Sydney Bristow closed her eyes, trying to rid herself of her feelings of self-pity. Pathetic, she knew, but she had found that, on days where the rain constantly fell, there was nothing else to do but reflect. It had been exactly 8 and a half months since she was abducted by the Covenant, but it felt like so much longer. Smiling in spite of herself, Sydney realised the irony of it all. For the first time in 2 years she had been happy; everything was finally back on track. But now, nothing was how it was meant to be. She shouldn't be here. She was supposed to be at home, in LA, not Rome… she was meant to be with Vaughn. She had promised herself that she wouldn't dwell on what her life could have been, but sometimes life has a way of not letting you move on. Sydney let out a sigh as she placed her hand over her swollen stomach, sometimes, you're not meant to forget the past.

Soft must began to drift through the room, causing Sydney to turn towards the source of the noise. A small smile appeared on her face as she saw a familiar figure leaning against the door.

_You and I we were one_

_And I swore I'd stay forever_

_But they say all good things come to an end_

_-My friend_

_Now it's time to move on_

_'Cos it's hard to be leaving you behind_

_But you will be fine_

"Simon ... you're back early." Sydney greeted as she pulled her body up from their bed and towards the door

"I finished the job early so I could be with you." Simon replied as he pulled her body towards his in an embrace. Pulling back slightly, he placed his hand over her enlarged stomach "And how's my boy doing?"

Sydney couldn't help but smile, one of few that were actually genuine nowadays, "What makes you think it's a boy?"

"Just a feeling." He replied, as a slight smirk appeared on his face, something that over recent months, she had grown fond of.

"Maybe." Sydney replied as she moved back towards the bed, trying her best to hide the sadness in her voice.

"You ok?" Simon asked gently as he moved next to her, rubbing her stomach as he did so.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess that I just miss my old life." Sydney stated giving him a small smile as he frowned in response.

"I guess I just miss the thrill of the chase, the missions. I'm not used to being unable to do any of that stuff. It feels … strange to have a break form it all." Sydney continued, knowing that he wouldn't understand what she was really talking about. That was about as honest as she could be with him. He didn't know about her old life, of that he wasn't informed, rather the Covenant thought it would be better if he was left unaware, that way he couldn't accidentally let anything slip.

He didn't know that she remembered anything before the Covenant. Sometimes she wished that she could tell him that she knew who she really was, but that was something that could never happen. If was still a free lancer, then she would have considered confiding in him, but he was Covenant now. He knew what they had done to her, and she felt that that was why he was the way he was around her. He was tentative and caring and would do anything to protect her. She knew that he had grown to love her, but she also knew that their life together was a lie. She sometimes despised herself for feeling the same way about him, but there were times when he gave her the strength to continue. She hated this life and he was the only good thing that had come out of it. She knew that he would be a great father and protect her child, which was something that she would need if she were to bring a child up in this world ... her world. The only problem was that Simon believed that she was unaware of the fact that the child she was carrying wasn't his. He thought that she had been brainwashed into believing she was Julia Thorne, mother of his child. And that was the kind of lie that she couldn't live with.

_Oh so if you believe_

_Say a prayer for me_

_I won't be here tomorrow_

_Somewhere I got to be_

_Things you want to say_

_Save them for another day_

_Cos I can hear the angels calling'_

_Angels calling' for me_

Simon's grip tightened around her waist as he pulled her back onto the bed. She pulled his arm securely around her body as she used to do with Vaughn. She would often berate herself for loving Simon, for letting herself believe that she could live this life; forget about her past. Nothing was ever that simple. It was her past that allowed her to live in the present and it was the memory of the people she loved that forced her to stay … to protect them.

She didn't find out about her pregnancy until 3 months after she had been kidnapped. She had been in Covenant custody, where torture and brainwashing were regular occurrences. If it weren't for her child, she would have held out longer, made more of an attempt to resist their efforts, but she knew that accepting defeat was the only option. It was only a matter of weeks after that that they believed they had broken her, and mere weeks after that that they felt confidant enough to let her out on a mission. That of course was one of very few. After finding out about her pregnancy, it was another course of intensive brainwashing to give her the illusion that she and Simon were a couple. By this time she was nearly four months gone, and she knew that the consequences resistance would be dire. It was around this time that Sydney acquired a rather nasty scar on her lower abdomen; something that the Covenant thought would be appropriate at this stage of her pregnancy. She didn't know what they had done during this time; she was told that an enemy organisation had tried to terminate her pregnancy for reasons unknown. She didn't ask anymore questions after that.

_Does it help if I say_

_That I'm truly sorry_

_And that I never meant for it to end_

_-This way_

_There's a place in your heart_

_Where you know you'll always find me_

_And I'll be with you wherever you are_

_Near or far_

Sydney turned to face Simon, slightly relieved to see that he was asleep. Pulling out of his embrace, she climbed out of the bed and walked towards the window. The rain had stopped, but her thoughts were still troubled. There was still one thing on her mind; someone that she could never escape. He was always in the back of her mind. At first she tried to push him out, pretend that she didn't need him, but she knew better. She had known from the beginning that she couldn't bring up their child without him. She couldn't bare the thought of him not being in her future, believing her to be dead. It broke her heart when she first saw him after she her kidnapping. She couldn't bare seeing him in such pain, and all she could do was watch as his world fell apart. She watched him as he scattered her ashes at sea, wishing that she could run into his arms tell him that she was alive. She missed him, perhaps more than she should have. There was a point when he was the only thing that kept her going. A point when she felt immense guilt over being with another man, but it was then that she realised that he had never come for her. No one come looking for her. There was no one there to save her. She had to save herself, something that she found to be an all too frequent event in her life.

_Oh so is you believe_

_Say a prayer for me_

_I won't be here tomorrow_

_Somewhere I got to be_

_Things you want to say_

_Save it for another day_

_Cos I can here the angels calling'_

_Calling' for me_

No matter how much Sydney tried to convince herself, she knew that she couldn't live the life of Julia Thorne. It was a life that was never hers. She was tired of pretending to be something she wasn't.

"You're awake." Sydney stated as she forced a small onto her face.

She knew what she had to do now

"Yeah." Simon replied as he leaning his body against hers, placing his hands on her hips

Despite the consequences and enviable pain…

"I love you." Simon whispered gently as he pressed his lips against hers

She had to leave

"I love you too" Sydney whispered back closing her eyes to prevent the tears from falling. Laying her head on his shoulder, she whispered one last time "I love you."

She would leave tonight

_You and I, we were one_

_And I swore I'd stay forever_

_But they say all good things come to an end_

A/N: If I get one review for this story I'll happy because I don't think that it's that good. Review and I'll continue, if not then I know that you agree with me. Thanks to anyone who read this, it rambled a bit … ok I'm not going to say anymore.

Review, both negative and positive welcome!


End file.
